I mad the mistake of reading Parent Magazine. My husband and son were asleep by 7:30 pm on a Friday. I opened a bottle of wine and was drawn, ironically, to an article about how excessive drinking is rising in mothers. The gist of it all was these women did not feel appreciated in work or home environments and need to release. They all hid it from their partners and children, and then had a break through moment where they humiliated themselves.
I know I was supposed to be horrified, but I wasn’t. Women are more responsible for child rearing and home care, yet now actually on average make more then their male partners. So we are Super Woman, mandatory by ourselves and by gender stereotypes. I understand these women who need to drink while doing dishes while their kids are asleep. Need a drink while making dozens of cupcakes, or to mop the floor. I never go to bed without creating a ‘To Do’ list in my head. I do not sleep, I pass out due to exhaustion. I can understand the need to force yourself to relax. I understand the need to force your brain to not hold so much in it. I know that there are physical implications with alcoholism, but that being said who is researching the physical and emotional implications of stress on women? Women are a casualty of the family. Physical and emotional wellbeing may be lost, but it’s ok. We are expected to do it all and be happy with it.
Fuck you.
As I read these stories of these women I realized what an oddity it is to have a partner that does help out with household chores and childcare. If I am stressed and I have an active partnership, then these women damn sure deserve a drink. Though these "crazed hidden mom drinkers" may have gotten out of control and had issues, these “concerned” family members should look to themselves instead of her and ask what should they have done to help? We are too quick to add to a women’s already growing To Do list as she tries to be all things to all people, because it is expected. Instead ask what YOU should be doing. Can you remove an expectation? Help her meet one?
We need to be kind to our women. As women we need to see ourselves in each one we meet instead of putting unrealistic expectations you couldn’t meet on her. So if she has a drink so be it. Let her be a person and not a mother second for a few moments.
Women lie to one another. We tell each other that it is fun, we would never have it any other way and we did it all. We are full of shit. It was hard, we dreamt of other plans and we didn’t do half of what we planned. That’s ok though. We love our families and they love us. Cliché, but it make it ok. Why create stories to go with it?
I fail to meet the standard of one magazine or another everyday. I fail in the eyes of someone daily, if not hourly. I love my partner, I love my child and fingers crossed they love me. That is it. Life is not complicated. Lies make it complicated. Stop it! Once we stop creating falsehoods women will quit destroying themselves. lLittle girls will grow into confident women and little boys will grow into confident men. Everyone will recognize that beauty is “wanting” each other, not “needing” each other. Then, and only then, will this self destruction stop.
So to all the women who feel guilty for any number of things I say “You are beautiful and wonderful! You are stronger then you think and braver then you realize. You are more then you know. You are you, be proud!”
Friday, October 29, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Women Supporting Women!
I have finally taken action and created a support group!
Find it on Facebook, Women Supporting Women!
Find it on Facebook, Women Supporting Women!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
My son doesn't smile for me in public
My son doesn't smile for me in public. Only at home when it is just immediate family.
I think it is because he knows I am so insecure about peoples thoughts about me as a mother. I feel like I hear the whispers of how un-mommy like I am, or how I should be doing other things with him. I get nervous with my husband holds Francisco in public. Will people think that I don't want to hold him, or that he doesn't like me? Will it verify what everyone already thinks, that my husband is a better caregiver then me?
I can work myself into such a frenzy that I will request my husband hand Francisco over to me. I will hope and beg for a smile so everyone will know that my son actually likes me, maybe even loves me.
Right now I can see that my son is well adjusted, happy and on his way to being brilliant . He loves me and shows me in a variety of ways. I can also see that my neurosis is a tangible energy that he doesn't enjoy. Which is why he smiles for me at home, where I am comfortable and don't feel judged.
Why then am I so concerned that other people don't think I am warm and fuzzy enough to be a good mother? Because that is what motherhood is. Guilt, judgement and a nice dose of insanity. I never anticipated that the "work" of parenthood would be the easy part of it all. Making baby food, getting up in the night, knowing the right song to sing at the right time, not a problem. I got this! Peoples shifty eyes and passive aggressive comments make me weak though.
In my previous life of being a normal adult these things would not bother me. I didn't look from confrontation, but I certainly did not hide from it. Passive aggressive communication was not tolerated and ignored. If it was so important to you then you would tell me directly was my motto. At work I am a functioning human. I am handling school work in a reasonable manner. Throw Francisco in the mix while we are in public I have in insecurity of a 12 year old overweight pimply faced girl.
My neurosis is a giant monster, being fed constantly with images of what a good mommy looks like. I can't seem to shake this beast off of me. At this point, I just want to stay at home where I know I am good caregiver. Where I see Francisco's smiles, hear his singing & our family is the focus. There I am sure of myself, sure of my actions and could care less about what I am wearing & if it is the proper attire for a "good mommy".
DEEP SIGH....
I think it is because he knows I am so insecure about peoples thoughts about me as a mother. I feel like I hear the whispers of how un-mommy like I am, or how I should be doing other things with him. I get nervous with my husband holds Francisco in public. Will people think that I don't want to hold him, or that he doesn't like me? Will it verify what everyone already thinks, that my husband is a better caregiver then me?
I can work myself into such a frenzy that I will request my husband hand Francisco over to me. I will hope and beg for a smile so everyone will know that my son actually likes me, maybe even loves me.
Right now I can see that my son is well adjusted, happy and on his way to being brilliant . He loves me and shows me in a variety of ways. I can also see that my neurosis is a tangible energy that he doesn't enjoy. Which is why he smiles for me at home, where I am comfortable and don't feel judged.
Why then am I so concerned that other people don't think I am warm and fuzzy enough to be a good mother? Because that is what motherhood is. Guilt, judgement and a nice dose of insanity. I never anticipated that the "work" of parenthood would be the easy part of it all. Making baby food, getting up in the night, knowing the right song to sing at the right time, not a problem. I got this! Peoples shifty eyes and passive aggressive comments make me weak though.
In my previous life of being a normal adult these things would not bother me. I didn't look from confrontation, but I certainly did not hide from it. Passive aggressive communication was not tolerated and ignored. If it was so important to you then you would tell me directly was my motto. At work I am a functioning human. I am handling school work in a reasonable manner. Throw Francisco in the mix while we are in public I have in insecurity of a 12 year old overweight pimply faced girl.
My neurosis is a giant monster, being fed constantly with images of what a good mommy looks like. I can't seem to shake this beast off of me. At this point, I just want to stay at home where I know I am good caregiver. Where I see Francisco's smiles, hear his singing & our family is the focus. There I am sure of myself, sure of my actions and could care less about what I am wearing & if it is the proper attire for a "good mommy".
DEEP SIGH....
Friday, May 21, 2010
Motherhood...
3 weeks ago I gave birth.
It has been a LONG 3 weeks. It really feels like more of an incredibly long day. I have lost all sense of time; unsure of the last time I showered, changed my clothes or even ate. Humans are not built to sleep in 2 to 3 hour shifts. Most days I think I am being completely reasonable, mentally applauding myself for not letting this lack of sleep get me down, when I suddenly see in the eyes of those around me that I am making no sense and am currently being peed on by Francisco.
Things I have learned that I wish I had known prior to this journey:
1. The labor process, though daunting, is not as terrible as all the horror stories you hear. The memories of pain faded quickly for me, perhaps due to my exhaustion from 22 hours of labor. The pain of recovery is far worse then the labor itself. I was in the grocery store a week after labor and with a gush had blood flowing down my legs. Embarrassing, painful and shocking. And apparently normal.
2. You are bloated when you leave the hospital and look 5 months pregnant for a bit after.
3. You will be peed on, vomited on, and likely shit on all in the same day of course while you are out of the house visiting friends and family. Always bring an extra change of clothes for yourself also.
4. Your child is a terrorist. He will make demands that you don’t understand. He will smack the bottle out of his own mouth, glare at you while he cries and fight you as you try to put it back in his mouth. He will yell with a fury of a thousand tortured puppies just so that you hold him instead of anyone else. He will look you in the eye and pee on your bed. Yet he will want your hugs first, your kisses and your singing. Psychological warfare…
It is ok not to like your child. He will do awful things that make no sense. It is ok to put him in his bassinet and walk away. It is ok to look at him in disbelief. It is ok to pawn him off on someone so that you can take a shower or (gasp!) eat warm food. It is ok to want some silence. It is ok to not feel bad about this.
5. After all the shenanigans your child will pull, you will still (usually) want to be around him. As you watch him understand things for the first time, see him be able to push himself up when yesterday he couldn’t, watch him be shocked by the kitty kissing his head you become energized. Watching him learn and understand incredible.
6. No one knows what colic is.
7. There is no “mommy sense” as all these women had claimed to me. Instead, there is knowledge of your child’s personality, likes & dislikes. Not because you are amazing, but because he was inside of you for nearly a year. You know he doesn’t like to be swaddled because he kicked you in the lungs for the last 3 months. You know that he dances when he is happy because you have the bruises to prove it. You know more only because you have known him longer then anyone else.
8. Not everyone wants to be a stay at home mom once they have had a taste of it. I am looking forward to returning to work in 3 weeks. Frankly I would have a breakdown if I didn’t have that. I love my son, but I love myself also and it is fair for me to want a reason to shower everyday and to leave the house. It is fair for me to be good at something other then being able to change a diaper, mix a bottle and answer the phone at the same time.
9. Why is it called “babysitting” when a father watching HIS OWN CHILD without the mother around, but called being a parent when a mother does it? Co-Parenting is the most acceptably sexist relationship I have ever seen or been a part of. Gender roles are alive and well if you are a parent. And not by your partner, but by your friends, family and the general population. My husband should not receive praise for changing a diaper! I should not be expected to never eat a warm meal again because I am a mother! Everything that is geared towards a parent is geared toward women. Excluding men from parenting is a danger with very real repercussions. Why is that happening? Why is that ok?
10. Lack of sleep makes the world hysterical & confusing. Who needs drugs? I am working on 6 hours of sleep broken up over 2 days!
11. There is a bond that is indescribable. A love that is intense and scary. When parents saying that this is the hardest job you can do what I think they mean to say is that it is hard in a different way then anything else, you are never not a parent anymore. My son is on my mind in one-way or another all the time now. My job to keep him safe, happy and help him find his path in life is more important to me then all the things that were my top priorities prior to his birth. That is an overwhelming feeling, especially since it was not chosen. I did not actively choose that level of commitment or devotion, it just happened.
Despite all of the insanity that my life has now taken on, I am happy that Francisco is in my life. I also am much more appalled that people try to push this path onto others then I was before to parenthood. Parenting takes over your life and your psyche. Not that you lose yourself, or you don’t have to at least, but your outlook changes when you are not the only person you are concerned with anymore. That being said, how successful can you be as a parent, individual or partner when you are pushed into a life you don’t want?
Why do people need others to make their same choices in order to feel validated? Why can't they be happy with their choices that (in theory) make them happy? This is why I feel more people should be medicated, the majority of the population is clearly mentally ill.
~V
It has been a LONG 3 weeks. It really feels like more of an incredibly long day. I have lost all sense of time; unsure of the last time I showered, changed my clothes or even ate. Humans are not built to sleep in 2 to 3 hour shifts. Most days I think I am being completely reasonable, mentally applauding myself for not letting this lack of sleep get me down, when I suddenly see in the eyes of those around me that I am making no sense and am currently being peed on by Francisco.
Things I have learned that I wish I had known prior to this journey:
1. The labor process, though daunting, is not as terrible as all the horror stories you hear. The memories of pain faded quickly for me, perhaps due to my exhaustion from 22 hours of labor. The pain of recovery is far worse then the labor itself. I was in the grocery store a week after labor and with a gush had blood flowing down my legs. Embarrassing, painful and shocking. And apparently normal.
2. You are bloated when you leave the hospital and look 5 months pregnant for a bit after.
3. You will be peed on, vomited on, and likely shit on all in the same day of course while you are out of the house visiting friends and family. Always bring an extra change of clothes for yourself also.
4. Your child is a terrorist. He will make demands that you don’t understand. He will smack the bottle out of his own mouth, glare at you while he cries and fight you as you try to put it back in his mouth. He will yell with a fury of a thousand tortured puppies just so that you hold him instead of anyone else. He will look you in the eye and pee on your bed. Yet he will want your hugs first, your kisses and your singing. Psychological warfare…
It is ok not to like your child. He will do awful things that make no sense. It is ok to put him in his bassinet and walk away. It is ok to look at him in disbelief. It is ok to pawn him off on someone so that you can take a shower or (gasp!) eat warm food. It is ok to want some silence. It is ok to not feel bad about this.
5. After all the shenanigans your child will pull, you will still (usually) want to be around him. As you watch him understand things for the first time, see him be able to push himself up when yesterday he couldn’t, watch him be shocked by the kitty kissing his head you become energized. Watching him learn and understand incredible.
6. No one knows what colic is.
7. There is no “mommy sense” as all these women had claimed to me. Instead, there is knowledge of your child’s personality, likes & dislikes. Not because you are amazing, but because he was inside of you for nearly a year. You know he doesn’t like to be swaddled because he kicked you in the lungs for the last 3 months. You know that he dances when he is happy because you have the bruises to prove it. You know more only because you have known him longer then anyone else.
8. Not everyone wants to be a stay at home mom once they have had a taste of it. I am looking forward to returning to work in 3 weeks. Frankly I would have a breakdown if I didn’t have that. I love my son, but I love myself also and it is fair for me to want a reason to shower everyday and to leave the house. It is fair for me to be good at something other then being able to change a diaper, mix a bottle and answer the phone at the same time.
9. Why is it called “babysitting” when a father watching HIS OWN CHILD without the mother around, but called being a parent when a mother does it? Co-Parenting is the most acceptably sexist relationship I have ever seen or been a part of. Gender roles are alive and well if you are a parent. And not by your partner, but by your friends, family and the general population. My husband should not receive praise for changing a diaper! I should not be expected to never eat a warm meal again because I am a mother! Everything that is geared towards a parent is geared toward women. Excluding men from parenting is a danger with very real repercussions. Why is that happening? Why is that ok?
10. Lack of sleep makes the world hysterical & confusing. Who needs drugs? I am working on 6 hours of sleep broken up over 2 days!
11. There is a bond that is indescribable. A love that is intense and scary. When parents saying that this is the hardest job you can do what I think they mean to say is that it is hard in a different way then anything else, you are never not a parent anymore. My son is on my mind in one-way or another all the time now. My job to keep him safe, happy and help him find his path in life is more important to me then all the things that were my top priorities prior to his birth. That is an overwhelming feeling, especially since it was not chosen. I did not actively choose that level of commitment or devotion, it just happened.
Despite all of the insanity that my life has now taken on, I am happy that Francisco is in my life. I also am much more appalled that people try to push this path onto others then I was before to parenthood. Parenting takes over your life and your psyche. Not that you lose yourself, or you don’t have to at least, but your outlook changes when you are not the only person you are concerned with anymore. That being said, how successful can you be as a parent, individual or partner when you are pushed into a life you don’t want?
Why do people need others to make their same choices in order to feel validated? Why can't they be happy with their choices that (in theory) make them happy? This is why I feel more people should be medicated, the majority of the population is clearly mentally ill.
~V
Friday, April 2, 2010
Resentment
As my partner leaves for a night out I boil with jealousy. I am physically unable to “take a night off”. My body will not stay home as I go out with friends to relax. I am not able to forget about my engorged midsection, or my violent acid reflux. There is no “down time” from being pregnant.
This will not end once I give birth. I will breastfeed, which means for another year my body is still not mine. My intake will be closely monitored to ensure I do not pass along anything undesirable to my son. In addition I am going back to school part time while working full time.
Late nights of studying, interrupted sleep through parenting and an office life to ensure bills are paid also guarantee that my body is not my own, simply through lack of sleep.
I may never have the ability to have a “night off” again. I may never have an evening just to ignore responsibilities and simply be.
The ability to listen to my immediate desires and act on them is no longer an option for me. Only long term desires that take sacrifice and an overload of effort can be acted on any more.
So as I watch my partner be able to shrug all this off and go out for an evening with the guys as he does every Friday I seethe with resentment and tears. Had I known that a year ago would be my last time to sit in silence without guilt, to be consumed with trivial items of gossip and that “future planning” meant talking about next month I may have soaked it in more. I may have basked in the glory of nothingness a bit more freely.
Instead I sit here green-eyed that already I cannot turn off “mommy mode” where he seems to be able to push aside “daddy mode” with ease. The fact I am making list of things that need to be addressed and deadlines for their accomplishment instead of relaxing with friends hurts my own feelings, but I cannot stop. As soon as one item is complete on to the next on this never-ending To Do list.
How are we going to teach our son about money? How do we explain religion? How do we ensure we have the best childcare provider? Will he resent me for going to school the first few years of his life instead of being with him exclusively? Are the windowsills in his room clean enough?
It is scary to love someone that you are never met before. To love them so much that you willingly give up your life and turn it over to them. Though I made this choice to have a child, to be a mother, I never realized how much it would consume me. Some days it is exhilarating, some days daunting, others natural, but today it is overwhelming.
-Venus
This will not end once I give birth. I will breastfeed, which means for another year my body is still not mine. My intake will be closely monitored to ensure I do not pass along anything undesirable to my son. In addition I am going back to school part time while working full time.
Late nights of studying, interrupted sleep through parenting and an office life to ensure bills are paid also guarantee that my body is not my own, simply through lack of sleep.
I may never have the ability to have a “night off” again. I may never have an evening just to ignore responsibilities and simply be.
The ability to listen to my immediate desires and act on them is no longer an option for me. Only long term desires that take sacrifice and an overload of effort can be acted on any more.
So as I watch my partner be able to shrug all this off and go out for an evening with the guys as he does every Friday I seethe with resentment and tears. Had I known that a year ago would be my last time to sit in silence without guilt, to be consumed with trivial items of gossip and that “future planning” meant talking about next month I may have soaked it in more. I may have basked in the glory of nothingness a bit more freely.
Instead I sit here green-eyed that already I cannot turn off “mommy mode” where he seems to be able to push aside “daddy mode” with ease. The fact I am making list of things that need to be addressed and deadlines for their accomplishment instead of relaxing with friends hurts my own feelings, but I cannot stop. As soon as one item is complete on to the next on this never-ending To Do list.
How are we going to teach our son about money? How do we explain religion? How do we ensure we have the best childcare provider? Will he resent me for going to school the first few years of his life instead of being with him exclusively? Are the windowsills in his room clean enough?
It is scary to love someone that you are never met before. To love them so much that you willingly give up your life and turn it over to them. Though I made this choice to have a child, to be a mother, I never realized how much it would consume me. Some days it is exhilarating, some days daunting, others natural, but today it is overwhelming.
-Venus
Friday, February 19, 2010
"Mommy"
A “Mommy Support Group” is genius. Frankly I think everyone should have a support group. I would join a support group for women, just to talk to people and get different perspectives. And counseling, EVERYONE should be in counseling. We are all nuts, why is that so hard to admit?
Back to the “Mommy Support Group”, I use quotes because it is total bullshit. There is only one in my area and it meets Tuesdays 11am. Seriously? So you support only woman who don’t work outside of the home, which are the majority?!
I moved on fairly quickly because the thought of housewives sitting around discussing how hard it is to balance life irritated me. I will be balancing work, school, husband, my psyche, and of course a newborn. Stay at home moms have issues for sure, I know I would, but they are not the same as what I am looking at. I really do not want to sacrifice my career for my child, is that possible? Am I nuts to think that I, a crazy person, can really start school again a month after my son is born while still being active in all the other mandatory aspects of life? When do you find time to be a couple with your partner? Give me a real group, not a useless Tuesday 11 am group where I had a sneaking feeling baked cookies were involved.
On to Mommy & Me classes! This I was excited about. I am nervous since I am not really a “kid person” my child will know that and thus hate me. So some planned bonding activities sounded very appealing. Time for me to shine as fun and loving! Not the exhausted crank I am sure I will be on only a few hours of sleep a night. Apparently however you are only allowed this if you do not work because they are also during a variety of times during the middle of the day, during the week. Of course! ALL mothers SHOULD be staying home! Those who don’t stay at home do not deserve these very expensive classes, of course! I must have missed that in the pamphlet, or the fact that the majority of mothers do work outside of the home. Are we still supposed to feel guilty for this? Really???
Aside from the fact that is not a financial possibility, it is not a desire for me either. I like working, I enjoy having my own things and being Venus not someone’s wife or mother. Just Venus. Work gives that to me, why should I apologize for that? Everything with the label “Mommy” on it makes you feel like an ogre because you OBVIOUSLY hate your child or you would be able to make it to these things. I start to wonder about this crazy “Mommy” culture we have come up with.
Every woman is supposed to want to be a mother at some point. Even if they state they never do it is almost always responded by “Wait and see.” Or “ You will”. Then you are suppose to want to get pregnant, but are only allowed to complain about the pregnancy and birthing process. If you are calm or enjoy it you are loathed. Then the baby is here! You are then suppose to want nothing more then to be a stay at home mom, be disappointed if you do have to work, and long to have more children. If you differ from any of these things the responses are the same “Wait and see.” Or “ You will”.
We have a Mommy fascination and loathing mixed up in a vicious way. Women are treated as walking incubators from the moment they hit puberty then when they enter into the land of Mommy are judged non stop by not conforming properly to these rules you did not know existed. How do you keep your individuality? How do you keep your sanity?
I have a feeling we are not wanted to. Keep all the women of the world exhausted and guilt ridden, and thankful when their partners “baby sit” (their own children?!?!?!?!?!), we will never notice we still earn 25% less then men consistently, that the rape victim is still actively blamed by both genders and that our own gender oppresses us more then the opposite gender. The rest of the world is left to run a muck while both blaming and praising us for being "nothing but mothers", and we are too distracted with trying to fit in Gymboree on Wednesdays at 10am to notice.
I was never sure that I wanted children, for a variety of reasons. Now that the choice has been made its all much scarier then I anticipated. It is just one more label I have to fight against. I am Venus. I may be a mother but first and foremost I am Venus. Why is that wrong and looked down upon?
So I want to start a support group for women, ALL women. Trouble is I don’t know a lot and don’t really know how to talk to them.
Which is why I was looking to join a group…
and it only meets at 11am Tuesdays…
dammit!
Back to the “Mommy Support Group”, I use quotes because it is total bullshit. There is only one in my area and it meets Tuesdays 11am. Seriously? So you support only woman who don’t work outside of the home, which are the majority?!
I moved on fairly quickly because the thought of housewives sitting around discussing how hard it is to balance life irritated me. I will be balancing work, school, husband, my psyche, and of course a newborn. Stay at home moms have issues for sure, I know I would, but they are not the same as what I am looking at. I really do not want to sacrifice my career for my child, is that possible? Am I nuts to think that I, a crazy person, can really start school again a month after my son is born while still being active in all the other mandatory aspects of life? When do you find time to be a couple with your partner? Give me a real group, not a useless Tuesday 11 am group where I had a sneaking feeling baked cookies were involved.
On to Mommy & Me classes! This I was excited about. I am nervous since I am not really a “kid person” my child will know that and thus hate me. So some planned bonding activities sounded very appealing. Time for me to shine as fun and loving! Not the exhausted crank I am sure I will be on only a few hours of sleep a night. Apparently however you are only allowed this if you do not work because they are also during a variety of times during the middle of the day, during the week. Of course! ALL mothers SHOULD be staying home! Those who don’t stay at home do not deserve these very expensive classes, of course! I must have missed that in the pamphlet, or the fact that the majority of mothers do work outside of the home. Are we still supposed to feel guilty for this? Really???
Aside from the fact that is not a financial possibility, it is not a desire for me either. I like working, I enjoy having my own things and being Venus not someone’s wife or mother. Just Venus. Work gives that to me, why should I apologize for that? Everything with the label “Mommy” on it makes you feel like an ogre because you OBVIOUSLY hate your child or you would be able to make it to these things. I start to wonder about this crazy “Mommy” culture we have come up with.
Every woman is supposed to want to be a mother at some point. Even if they state they never do it is almost always responded by “Wait and see.” Or “ You will”. Then you are suppose to want to get pregnant, but are only allowed to complain about the pregnancy and birthing process. If you are calm or enjoy it you are loathed. Then the baby is here! You are then suppose to want nothing more then to be a stay at home mom, be disappointed if you do have to work, and long to have more children. If you differ from any of these things the responses are the same “Wait and see.” Or “ You will”.
We have a Mommy fascination and loathing mixed up in a vicious way. Women are treated as walking incubators from the moment they hit puberty then when they enter into the land of Mommy are judged non stop by not conforming properly to these rules you did not know existed. How do you keep your individuality? How do you keep your sanity?
I have a feeling we are not wanted to. Keep all the women of the world exhausted and guilt ridden, and thankful when their partners “baby sit” (their own children?!?!?!?!?!), we will never notice we still earn 25% less then men consistently, that the rape victim is still actively blamed by both genders and that our own gender oppresses us more then the opposite gender. The rest of the world is left to run a muck while both blaming and praising us for being "nothing but mothers", and we are too distracted with trying to fit in Gymboree on Wednesdays at 10am to notice.
I was never sure that I wanted children, for a variety of reasons. Now that the choice has been made its all much scarier then I anticipated. It is just one more label I have to fight against. I am Venus. I may be a mother but first and foremost I am Venus. Why is that wrong and looked down upon?
So I want to start a support group for women, ALL women. Trouble is I don’t know a lot and don’t really know how to talk to them.
Which is why I was looking to join a group…
and it only meets at 11am Tuesdays…
dammit!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
?
I wonder how it is that I can feel invincible and yet inadequate at the same time.
I feel that of course I am going to be great at everything I do because I am willing to do any work necessary. At the same time I feel like no matter how much work and effort I put in something it will not be enough. That being said, how the hell am I going to be a mother?
Never before have I wondered if I was capable of doing something. It was more of a question, do I want to? Do I care enough to be the effort in? Not, even if I try with all my might can I still fail?
I am so scared that I can't do this. I don't have much of an option though. And that makes this all the more scary.
Venus
I feel that of course I am going to be great at everything I do because I am willing to do any work necessary. At the same time I feel like no matter how much work and effort I put in something it will not be enough. That being said, how the hell am I going to be a mother?
Never before have I wondered if I was capable of doing something. It was more of a question, do I want to? Do I care enough to be the effort in? Not, even if I try with all my might can I still fail?
I am so scared that I can't do this. I don't have much of an option though. And that makes this all the more scary.
Venus
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